Lessons Learned from a Headstand

I started practicing yoga on January 1, 2015. My quest was to do yoga every day for 40 days.  I didn’t give myself lots of rules, I just committed to getting on my mat every day for at least 15 minutes. This would be a really BIG DEAL for someone like me.  I have a difficult work schedule and I knew very little about yoga when I started down this road.  And then there’s my athletic ability…or complete lack thereof.  I grew up playing instruments, not sports.  In fact I have a complete disdain for any sport played with a ball as it always finds a way to my face.  My gross motor skills and upper body strength were that of a 5 year old.  But I figured what the hell, it’s only 40 days.

Over the next month, I did yoga everyday.  I was determined to find a way to fit it into my life.  I bought a travel mat and took it with me to work and on vacation.  Some days, I attended classes and other days (most days) I carved out just 15min before bed to get through a few sun salutations.  After a month, I was growing more confident in my strength and ability-poses that initially seemed impossible I could now hold for a few moments!  My motivation increased with each passing day.  And then I made the age-old mistake of comparing myself to another.  A girlfriend of mine became interested in yoga around the same time.  We went to a few of Brittany’s classes together and had fun talking about our growing yoga practices.  One night, she was over for dinner and she showed off her newly-acquired headstand.  I was seriously impressed-I mean, a headstand???  Seriously???  That’s like real yogi stuff.  She was kind and humble and told me she was sure I could do it, too, if I only practiced.  So I became determined to do a headstand.

The next evening I recruited my husband to help me.  I fumbled my way into a tripod and he yanked my legs into the air.  It. Hurt. So. Much.  It literally felt like my head might explode.  “Put me down!  Put me down!” I yelled, then went crashing to the floor.  We attempted this several times. How unfair that she can already do a headstand, I thought.  She wasn’t doing yoga everyday.  Suddenly, all of my small achievements and successes over the last month seemed trivial.  I went to bed so frustrated with my self and my body.  The next morning when I woke up, the skin around my eyes was red and swollen.  In my determination to do a headstand I had actually broken the tiny blood vessels in my face!  Wow.  This is not what yoga is about, I said to myself.  I realized in that moment that I will have my own journey with yoga and my girlfriend will have her own journey, too.  I needed to worry less about her and instead honor my own practice.

A month later, I still can’t do a headstand.  But I also surpassed my 40 day goal, and I’m really proud of that.  My new goal is 108 days.  I look forward to seeing where this path leads me, even if it isn’t upside down.

Erin is a Nurse/Midwife, dog lover, wife, Colorado Native, and Container Collective Yogi!